Bad moods, slow times, and douchebaggery

When I woke up this morning at 6:30 am, I had three thoughts:

1. Why the fuck is it pitch black outside? Time just rolled back. Which means that if it were last Tuesday, it would be 7:30 am and pitch black outside. WTF is this shit?
2. Do I really have to get up and face the day?
3. Why hasn't my husband's alarm gone off since he had a contract to attend to within an hour?

Queue the waking him up to make sure he wasn't late. He wasn't, by the way, going to be late. His alarm went off 10 minutes later. I'm not an asshole wife. I only woke him up because his alarm has this habit of not working. So weird. 

I was in a shit mood. I wasn't upset with anyone. I wasn't in a bad mood. It was just the feeling of, "Blah...here we go again." Then, my husband fixed it by giving me that hug that everyone says they want on FB. You know, the one where all the "broken pieces" stick back together. And it was amazing. And I felt better...at least, until we hit morning traffic. 

Just in case you were wondering, freelancing (self-employment of any kind, really) isn't for the faint of heart. We've been really lucky over the last couple of years. I have a pretty sound mind for business decisions. Other than the first couple of months when I started, we've been able to predict my income fairly well. We've done alright. We aren't rich by anyone's standards. Yet, we manage to keep the bills paid, the family fed, and a roof over our head. Of course, by world standards that's pretty fucking impressive. 

The last two months have been slow. Really slow. In September, we felt the pinch. No big deal. There's always a bit of a fall slump because of the back to school stuff. I don't know why. It's not me. I work just as much, if not more, than I did during the summer. I think that, in reality, it's businesses taking some time to reassess their needs now that their workforce is back from summer vacation. It wasn't a big pinch. All the necessities were taken care of. In October, it was slow again. Ouch. Double ouch when you think about the upcoming holidays. 

I took the "I'll enjoy the quiet while it lasts" approach because for me? The quiet times are few and far between. So, at first it was like a universe sanctioned vacation. Unpaid, of course. I started an art project. I did some personal writing. I just slowed down and caught my breath. 

I've always been fairly good with money. If you're not good with money, you probably shouldn't be self-employed. I've been able to make less money take care of business. So, overall...it was stressful, but alright. 

Last week, I started to panic inside. Work still hadn't picked up. My academic students already had their papers edited by me. The websites that relied on me for their editing were all caught up. Oh shit. So, I started scrambling and applying for more gigs. I landed a nice one. Of course, it's not full time work or even steady work. It's "as needed." Overall, that's fine. I love variety. 

Oh, then there was a lawyer who contacted me for writing articles for his very well to do firm. How do I know he's well to do? In addition to telling me, he sent me his website which listed all of his awards (both from the community / bar and monetary from court). So, I gave him a below average bid on four articles. It was still a good rate, a reasonable rate for me. He wrote back, "Give me your best rate." Really, dude? My life does not revolve around garage sale bargain pricing. I don't get to call my electric company and offer then $10 for my $100 electric bill. I don't get to call the gas company and offer then $20 for a $200 gas bill. That's what I wanted to say...I didn't. I responded and told him that IS my best rate. He basically responded with, "LULZ...nu-uh! Give me your best rate." So, I know someone that I won't be working with. Such douchebaggery. Do you think he allows clients to haggle his rates? That's a big fat nope.

Then, a week ago today I felt sick. Really sick. At first, I didn't think anything of it. Anyone with kids knows that they are walking petri dishes. Well, I was sick from Tuesday until Sunday. In the midst of that, the work from all of my clients began to pick back up. So, I went from panicking because I had practically no work to panicking because how will I ever get it done? 

So, as I sit here and contemplate if I write the four articles that are due, finish my pitch for a legal website, or edit a last minute paper...the dog has decided I shouldn't do any of it. In fact, she didn't want me to write this blog post to remind you of the instability of freelance work. 

There's no real reason for this post other than I'm killing time. I guess if you need to learn anything from what I said it would be continue to flesh out work or keep good relationships with "as needed" clients during the times you have a ton of work so that you have something to do during slow times. That worked for me for two years. I was lucky that my slow period was only a couple of months, but that still puts a pinch on things. 

Panda says HI GUYS.

Pronouns Gone Wild!

Not too long ago, I wrote a post about gender neutral writing. Here I am, writing about it again. Here's why...

Those Crazy College Kids!

By crazy college kids, I mean overzealous college educators and administrators. I was listening to talk radio this morning. To be honest with you, I was only half listening at first because I was also reading a book. I don't remember the college, and for the point I'm about to make the college name doesn't matter. Anyway, some of the people there have decided that everyone should stop using common gender pronouns (he, his, her, she). Instead, people should use ze and zir to become gender inclusive.

That argument was so stupid that it made me put my book down and squint at the radio. Really? That doesn't solve anything. That doesn't make anything more inclusive. If this were adopted, you would just be substituting the male and female pronouns with other "pronouns" that perform the exact same thing: refer to the gender of a person. So, tell me. How in the hell does that solve the gender pronoun issue? It doesn't. It just recolors the problem and momentarily distracts you while making you feel like you've done something good. It would be like me telling you that my dog isn't a dog. It's a chien. By the way, that's French for dog. Ze and zir would simply be used to replace the current gendered pronouns. So, you'd still have gendered pronouns...they'd just look and sound different and give you something to bitch about later.

Pronouns Aren't Bad - They're Just Written That Way

Pronouns are a lot like Jessica Rabbit. They're not bad. People think they're bad because of how they're used. When I took my first legal research and writing class back around ten years ago, the textbooks had recently changed to discourage gendered writing because it is archaic. Wow - imagine that. The world's most conservative professional field (law) began to look at how pronouns were used as potentially archaic.

If you don't blame a spoon for making someone overweight, then you can't blame the pronoun. It is a tool of people. People are the ones ultimately responsible for their bodies and their words. So, let's look at how you should properly institute gender neutral writing (and yes, I know that there will be some grammar purists that will want to find me and shake the pencil lead out of my ears).

You should only use he, she, his, her, and other versions of our favorite gendered pronouns if you know without a shadow of a doubt that you are, in fact, dealing with the specific appropriate gender. If you don't know the gender, then you do not use those pronouns. It's just as easy to use they, them, their, etc., as it is to make assumptions. It's also less offensive.

If you know someone who is biologically born a man and they openly identify as a woman, then you may refer to them in writing with female pronouns. If you know someone who is biologically born a woman and they openly identify as a man, then you may refer to them in writing with male pronouns. If someone identifies as gender fluid, cis gender, or even androgynous, it is up to you, the writer, to ask how they would prefer to be addressed. When in doubt, just ask.

As a professional, if you see the use of Mr., Ms., or Mrs., in a file, then it is safe to use the appropriate gendered pronoun. If you have no indication of gender, then you either need to ask or use something gender neutral (they, them, their, etc.).

We Don't Need New Words - We Need Better and More Responsible Writers

It's true. We really don't need new words (especially when they confirm about English what the world already knows: that our difficult to learn language beats the shit out of other languages and then steals their words while they're bleeding on the curb). Let's face it, we aren't doing such a great job making up our own. Awesome sauce is now a word in the dictionary. Just let that sink in for a minute.

What we need in this world are writers that truly care about the craft of writing. We need writers that understand the proper way to choose and use words for their written pieces. We need writers that take the time to learn something before they vomit pointless opinions onto the Internet and into print media for all to read. I'm a professional writer and editor. That's why I can say that. Far too often, I see writers of all experience levels making mistakes with word choice that just shouldn't happen. Native English speaking writers are the worst about not bothering to take the time to find out how what they will say will affect others. That's really sad because that's the key that will make or break your career.

So, if you're a writer, whether professional or casual, you must learn how to properly categorize the person or people that you are writing about in your work. You must take the time to keep up not just with trends, but with appropriate measures that are professional and timely that will enhance your work and make your publications more valuable. You don't....we don't...need more words (from other languages that do the exact same thing, but sound trendy). We need to use the words that we have in a more responsible manner.

An Open Letter to Stalkers and Narcissists Around the World

I can only write this based upon my own experiences. I hope that at least one stalker reads this and realizes that their behavior is ridiculous and changes.

Stalking is lame. It makes you lame. It makes you a loser. When someone decides that they don't want to be with you or when you decide that you don't want to be with someone, then you need to let go and leave them alone. What they say and do isn't your business. You're not their parent. You're not a god. You're just some loser that needs mental help. The actions you take before, during, and after a protective order by continuing to break into social media accounts, look people up online, post negative untruths, etc., says a lot more about you than it does about me or anyone else that's been stalked.

It's always struck me as just downright absurd that a stalker can leave someone for the purpose of being with someone else, but if their victim tries to move on then all hell breaks loose. Keep in mind - when you walk away from a relationship for any reason, you lose the right to have an opinion about anyone that the other person has in their life. It's also really funny, and illogical, when the fit is thrown because the other person moved on despite the fact that you are most likely already involved with someone else. That is a sign that you need mental help. You're most likely a narcissist since you think that you should be forever worshiped by someone that you didn't want in your life.

When the new person smartens up and is no longer your flying monkey, they leave. Most often, they do contact the victim and apologize. They've gone from love bombed to gas lighted...and all it took was a little piece of paper that said marriage. Once it ends, it's delicious for the rest of us because we've moved on and we are in normal, healthy, loving relationships.

Again, you are advised to take stock of your own shortcomings. Get help - the problem wasn't and isn't with your victim. The problem is and was with you. You look for people who want to fix you or want to please you...but nothing they do will ever be enough. When they start slipping away, you freak out. When they leave, you harass and stalk. You've clearly not taken any notes from people in successful and healthy relationships. That's not how you win someone over.

Really, stalkers and narcissists...is there a true point to following people around on social media or breaking into their accounts? What are you seriously hoping to find? You aren't the sun. You aren't the source of all happiness. Is it the fact that you hope you'll see something that shows they're suffering in some way? Would that make you feel better? Because most of us aren't suffering. We move on. We may always look over our shoulder and improve on ways to protect our privacy, but we're still happier than we've ever been. Are you looking to see if your victim is talking about you? Even if they are, it's not your business. If you wanted people to talk nicely about you, then you should have behaved better. Although narcissism is a personality disorder, you wake up with the same decision the rest of us do: whether or not you should be a dick to people. Unfortunately for you and others, you choose to be a dick. That's no one's fault but your own.

When people talk about you, o stalker and narcissist, it isn't because they miss you or want you back. It's not because you're so amazing. Frankly, it's not even because victims are looking for a way to badmouth you (oh, and telling the truth isn't badmouthing - it's just telling the truth; I know that's a concept you don't understand). They talk to continue their healing process.

My advice to stalkers and narcissists? Get mental help. You need it. You have no hope of a normal life without it. Leave the victims alone. Move on with your life. There are plenty of people with flying monkey personalities out there for you to try to run your game on...and sadly, you'll be successful. Speaking of success, why not take the energy that you expend on your nefarious activities and redirect it to something positive like actually working while you're at work or picking up a good book to read? If you want the world to revolve around you, then you need to give the world a reason to do it by being the best in your field instead of just being a douche bag.

Let's do away with the mansplaining, shall we?

Mansplaining...it's a term one of my closest friends uses when a man says something really, really ignorant. Most importantly, it's a term we use when a man tries to justify something. So, in some instances mansplaining can also be victim shaming. Oh, and I've seen women do this as well. It just so happens that it is more common with men. So, why am I posting about this? Well, because of a conversation that started on my personal Facebook page.

I posted this image:

First, let's start with some basics about the general differences between men and women. These are general and are not meant to define every man and every woman (so, don't comment with a mansplain). In general, adult men are bigger than adult women. In general, adult men have more muscles or body strength than adult women. That's not to say that women are weak. Again, we are talking about the physical size of people...in general terms. I weigh 135. My husband weighs about 217. Yes, there are women who are bigger. Yes, there are men who are smaller. So, again, think in general terms. So, even if an average man were attacked by a woman in some way, it would most likely -not- take his full strength to defend himself. It is not okay for women to attack men, either.

Should a man defend himself if a woman hits him? A man does have that right. However, it should be just enough to do that: defend. If a woman slaps a man, it's not going to take a man using deadly force to stop her. Again, I am not saying it is okay for a woman to hit a man because it is not. 

So, when you mansplain and say, "What about self defense?" you should really be asking yourself, "Am I oxygen deprived?" because you clearly aren't thinking in a clear, concise, and logical manner. What you really mean is that you know you can defend yourself, but you want to start a fight...and guess what? That gives some people a loop hole to behave badly. You feel threatened by some things that might not make another person feel threatened and vice versa. Just think about George Zimmerman's ridiculous self defense notion.

This is almost victim shaming. You're one step away from, "Well if she wouldn't have said or done X then...." Do you know how many stupid people I'd love to slap on a regular basis? I don't because it is battery even if I don't like how stupid they are and am just trying to slap some sense into them. 

Another common mansplain: not all men hit women. Sometimes women hit men. 

Oh, guess what? It's not always cloudy when it rains. Sometimes the sun shines and it rains. These are things we know. Here's the problem with your attempt at mansplaining:

You couldn't win a logical argument to save your own life because you can't stay on topic. We know that some women hit men. Here's something else we know. Most men do not report when they are victims of domestic violence. If more men did, then you'd see a better campaign. Domestic violence happens regardless of gender. It happens in straight couples and with gay couples. Sometimes women are the perpetrators, but it is most often reported to be a man. So, if you don't like that then I suggest you start a campaign to help battered men instead of mansplaining a picture. As far as your "not all men," yeah, we know. However, when you say that - you're in defensive mode. Here's a grand thought: how about you just show your support by liking or sharing the photo instead of countering? Nice guys don't need to proclaim how nice they are. Their actions show it. 

Oh, and here's another interesting fact about domestic violence. It's not always physical. Mental and emotional abuse is also domestic violence. That includes manipulation, mind games, control, stalking, and the likes. Don't think for one second that just because he hasn't hit you means that he's not abusing you. Statistics show that you are most in danger when you first leave and that people who perpetuate mental assault like I mentioned are very likely to lose control and hurt you if and when you leave (and you do need to leave). Don't believe me? Call your local DV advocate or hotline and ask about the statistics. When I found out that people who stalk and harass their ex after an intimate relationship are more likely to be killed because the stalker has lost that control, it was terrifying. I didn't leave my house for a really long time other than to go to work. I had armed security at work.

To this day, the ex would tell you he did nothing wrong to me. That he never pulled my hair and dragged me around the house. That he never slammed me into our washing machine, made me call someone I had asked to help me to tell them I was lying, and then broke my phone (a phone he didn't know anything about because he didn't even live with me at that time - had already left me about six months earlier for someone else). That he broke in to my home and ruined my laptop and stole my clothes. Why? Because he's "such a nice guy." He kept my children from me for a year. He also harassed me and stalked me online and off. I have a PO against him. They took away his concealed license. So, when you "mansplain" just know that you're victim blaming people like me. People who might have thought they were the problem but once out for a year realized they weren't...and that have healthy relationships with other people. I still have two of my old cell phones with crazy messages from him. I have all of the old emails. Why? It's not because I like to go strolling down nightmare lane. It's to show people who mansplain why they're wrong and why they should stop.

Please don't mansplain. You hurt victims and survivors of DV all around the world. You enable the perpetrators, regardless of gender, to continue what they are doing.

I won't apologize for my life.

It's Mother's Day. It's another holiday where people tell you it's insensitive to talk about the nice life you have or the nice things you've received. I disagree. I think if someone tells you on any day where you show gratitude for the things you have or receive that you are insensitive because they don't have it, that they are selfish.

I didn't have a good childhood. My biological parents (plural) sucked. Substance abuse makes you a shitty parent. Yesterday, I still did something nice for my mother. I did it because it was the right thing to do. Setting an example and being nice is the right thing to do.

Yesterday, my husband and sons gave me flowers. We played pinball (which I love). I received new shoes and a new shirt. I also received a CD of match 3 games that my 16 year old managed to get installed on to my laptop despite the fact that CD rom doesn't work. We have plans for today as well.

Stating my gratitude toward my husband and children doesn't make me insensitive. It makes me a gracious person. The fact that people want me (and others) to not talk about how it's Mother's Day isn't fair. It also discredits the nice things my family does for me. That's not fair. It's also selfish.

I won't apologize for having a great family. I won't apologize for having a nice life. I've worked too hard for it. If anyone wants you to apologize or not talk about how grateful you are for things you have that they may not have, tell them no.

Yes, I know this won't be a popular opinion. I don't really care. You don't see me telling people not to celebrate Father's Day. I give my husband a great day despite the fact that my father was a dick. Frankly, it would have been better for me NOT to have a father.

If you don't have a reason to celebrate Mother's Day, then just have a great day anyway...but don't take it away from someone else. That's not fair. Learn to be happy for others because you have things they don't have as well.

Be Careful What You Write

Yesterday I was on Facebook and saw an article from some website (I can't remember) that talked about how freelancers should use an "unschedule." So, basically you would first schedule all the stuff you want to do during the day that isn't work related and then stuff your work in around it. This is maddening and not good advice particularly for new freelancers. All I could think was, "So, how do they pay their bills? Are they trust fund babies?" My other thought while making dinner was that maybe they charge outrageous rates in an effort to put forth as little energy as possible. I'm a big fan of The Four Hour Work Week. However, it's just not something that everyone can do or should do.

Unscheduling is really bad advice for new freelancers or those that have bills. Freelancing is like any other small business. You need to actually put forth a large amount of effort in order to get steady clients and become established. Then you work in some of the fun stuff.

Please don't expect to roller skate and care for prize winning roses for six hours per day and pay your mortgage by blogging only two hours per day. It's unrealistic and you're going to get yourself in a bind.

Experienced freelancers, please be careful about what you write. Remember that new people read what you write and they think it is written for them. You know as well as I do that it takes insane hours to make a decent living of any sort.

New freelancers, don't believe everything you read. Not everything is written for you. Not everything you read online is the norm. You should know by now that the Internet is not full of truth and "your results may vary."

You do NOT have to live like that...

Over the last three weeks, my friends and I have found resources for three women that I personally know who were in abusive relationships. Clearly, it's time to address the issue on my blog. I usually don't talk about it here. I had a Tumblr that I used for a while for therapeutic purposes. I quit messing with it because it was just a lot to keep up with...and I started getting better and finding myself again. While I will most likely write this in a way in which the female is the victim and the male is the perpetrator, I am fully aware that sometimes the male is a victim. I am also fully aware that this is an issue in same sex relationships. So, please overlook the archaic, gender specific language. If you are in a physically or emotionally / mentally abusive relationship, please get out. 

If he hits you, he does not love you. Do not justify his behavior. Do not fall for his "You make me do this. If only you wouldn't do...." Do not fall for his apologies. It is very, very rare that an instance of physical abuse is THE only instance. Most people who hit you once will hit you again. Past behavior is a good indicator of future behavior. So, unless they immediately go into intensive counseling because THEY realize they have an issue, don't even make staying an option. I can't tell you how many times the ex-husband dragged me out of bed by my hair. He also choked me. He also slammed me into a washer and threatened to shoot me. I was told it was my fault. I was made to feel like I deserved it and that I was crazy. 

Do not stay because you have children. I realize that you want to keep your family together, but is that the example that you want to set for your sons and daughters? Do you want your sons to think it's okay to treat a woman like that? Do you want your daughters to think that's when men will do because they love them? If you have the sensitive and brave child who tries to break it up, your staying puts that child in grave danger. Get out. Take your children with you. Take them out of school and leave. I have two older sons with the ex-husband. I stayed because they were little. Then, he left me. I was relieved, but then he started stalking me. He could have a girlfriend live with him, but I couldn't do anything - including work...without being harassed. We were, essentially, sharing custody and that was the plan for the divorce. While the boys were in school, I went and filed a protective order. I had to do it. I could tell you horror stories of what happened that led up to it. Cyber stalking, harassment, threats, him contacting my friends and family... The problem was that he had the kids when the paperwork was served. He used that as an excuse to not allow me to see my children. When he was served with the divorce papers with the custody arrangement, he took out the signed custody agreement and slipped in a different one. I was never served. My life was forever changed. However, my children are older and can tell the judge they want something different. I was very blessed with a good legal team that the YWCA helped me find. The judge was also fair and said she knew from the beginning something wasn't right. 

If you're in the legal field, you will draw a blank. It is really hard to see what you already know. That's because it applies to you and you will be blinded by your own emotions. It is imperative that you talk with someone and get an advocate. Do not take on the work yourself even if you are a highly experienced legal professional. Hi. I'm Robin. I'm a highly experienced legal professional. 

Name calling, constant criticism, and yelling are forms of abuse. It is a red flag when someone can find all of your faults, but can't admit, acknowledge, or find any of their own (nor do they care to address them). If you are always called names...and don't put up with name calling even in a fight - and you shouldn't call names either, that is abuse. If you are constantly told that you are worthless, stupid, ugly, etc...that is abuse. If you are always yelled at and cannot ever seem to do anything right to please your partner, that is abuse. I lived with all of those. Have you ever been told, "I hate you and I wish you were dead!" on your birthday? I have. Have you ever been told that you should just kill yourself? I have. Have you ever been told by the other person that they will find a way to ruin you and make you homeless? I have. That is abuse. 

Talk to someone at the YWCA. I can't say anything about the YMCA because I've never dealt with them. However, if you are a man and you are being abused then please contact them and ask for help. I know it's hard. I know you don't want people to know or even admit to it. You deserve better. Ladies, the YWCA can help you if you are in an abusive relationship. I know it's scary particularly if you live with the abuser. They can help you get a PO. They can help you get a place to stay with your children. They can help you with free counseling. They have an amazing amount of resources. I can tell you from experience...it's devastating and hard. I can also tell you from experience that you can get through it. 

Get ready for the comments. The comments will come. You might even get them from people you would NEVER expect like your children and some of the people you thought were your friends. If you get a weird, hateful text or email or some other form of electronic communication from your child, take it with a grain of salt. They could be really angry. However, there's a chance it might not be them. Comments may include:

• That can't be true. He's looks like such a nice guy.
• That can't be true. He is great at his job.
• I can't believe you'd say those horrible things.
• Why do you want to ruin another person's life?
• A real mom / wife would just put up with it.

That's not an all-inclusive list. Here's the deal about most abusers....they often don't look like someone you would think is an abuser. We are conditioned our entire life to think about abusers as big, evil people. That's just not true. If they acted out in certain ways...in broad daylight - they would get into legal trouble. So, they fly low and do things when the public can't see it. Those statements are simply re-victimization. 

Find a support group. I don't care if it is a group in a church. I don't care if it is a group at the Y. I don't care if you find an online group. You need a support group. No, they don't just sit around bitching and rehashing. Maybe some do, but I was really selective about the one I was in. It was full of women that you NEVER would have thought could be a victim or a survivor of domestic abuse. Those support groups can act as a life line. If you need a place to stay, they can help you. They have resources for food and other needs as well. Surround yourself with the right people. 

Document, document, document. Fortunately, I have a background as a paralegal. I knew the importance of keeping good records. I did the best I could...but when your abuser is a computer expert, it's easy to have your evidence destroyed. Send back ups ONLY to trusted friends and family. Print emails including IP addresses. Take screen shots of your text messages. Get police reports. I know it's hard. Keep documenting. Date, time, event. A PO is just a piece of paper, but it is a paper trail. 

Get the right apps. There are apps available for smart devices. Some look like other apps so that your abuser won't know. Others, like Silent Alarm, are great because you can alert your chosen friends to call the police for you. It sends them a message and your location. You set up your chosen contacts. 

There are other things I can tell you from personal experience...so many things. Find the number to your local YWCA. The number for the Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-7997233. Please get out and stay out. You deserve better than to be hit or to be made to feel like you are worthless. You are not worthless. You deserve love and respect. 

I want to work from home!*

"I want to work from home!*" is a common exclamation that I hear from people. They want to spend leisurely mornings in their pajamas and only work when they "feel like it." They want to take long lunches and hot baths during the afternoon. I hear all of the things that they want to be able to do...but I never hear about the actual work they will do. This is generally because they just "don't know" what they can do from home (which is a load of crap).

Then, they ask for me to help them find something they can do from home. I totally understand that it can be a hard task to find a legitimate work from home job. I said job and not a business. So, from that perspective I do understand why new people need help. What usually happens is that I begin sending them leads and then they find reasons why they can't or won't do them.

If I send them a lead on a virtual call center that is hiring, they don't want to "do sales" or "call center" work. They don't want to "have a set schedule."

If I send them a writing lead, they "don't know how to write."

If I send them a lead on being a virtual assistant or project manager, they don't want the "drama" that comes from taking orders from someone else.

Please understand that now when I hear someone say to me, "I want to work from home!*" that the asterisk is for the following:

"I don't really want to work. I just want to get paid for doing nothing because clearly that's how everyone gets paid."

If you want to work from home, sometimes you take what you can find while you look for or figure out what you truly want to do from home. There is nothing wrong with working for a virtual call center. Even Apple hires people to work from home....so does American Express. It sure as hell beats sitting in a cubicle, doesn't it? Yet, everyone wants to bitch about it if it's an option for them. A virtual call center is one of the easiest jobs to get. You need very little to get started besides a computer, a headset, and a relatively quiet work place.

I know, I know...there's your next excuse, "I have kids and pets and they don't know how to be quiet!" Well, god forbid you learn to work around their schedule. Yes, that does mean that you will work nights. Do you want to work from home or not?

Here's the deal about other work from home jobs (and even many virtual call center jobs such as with 1-800Flowers)....so many people want to work from home that this is just as competitive (if not more so) than a traditional job. Thankfully, lazy people that have excuses (and yes...they are excuses - we are all tired...we all have other responsibilities...but you either want to work from home or you don't) make it easier on the rest of us. You don't last or you just don't get the job.

Working from home doesn't mean working whenever in the hell you want. Most work from home jobs (jobs...not businesses) still require some sort of a schedule. Time management is your friend. When you learn to adhere to a schedule, you teach your children an important lesson: life is not free and we make decisions in order to make a living. Toys and food are not free.

You do not get paid for doing nothing. You do not wake up rich. If you want to make money from home then you get to work...just like the rest of us. Get over it or get back into the traditional work force.

Why Ferguson Should Worry You Regardless of Your Race

Okay, so we all know about the potential implications involving race when we talk or even think about Ferguson. While that is worrisome, there is something even more worrisome that you should be worried about. What you see and what you know about Ferguson is censored by the government.

Did you know that the FAA closed airspace over Ferguson to keep news aircraft out of the area? You probably didn't really think about it until now...did you see any aerial video of Ferguson? So, here you have a government branch not really involved who shut air space due to a request to limit the news coverage. Congratulations, your news is censored. You will only hear and see what the government wants you to hear and see.

Now, while we wait for the grand jury's decision, Ferguson has called in reinforcement officers. Is it truly because they want to make sure things don't get out of hand? You already know that you can't trust your government. Martial law was declared the first time (and it wasn't needed). People had their Constitutional rights violated. People who were standing in a peaceable manner to protest were arrested. Hopefully, the officers from other areas on standby are good and honest people.

Did you know that there is information available that the majority of the people who caused trouble in Ferguson weren't from Ferguson? That's right. The people causing the majority of the problems were from out of town.

You need to be worried about what happened, what is happening, and what will happen in Ferguson regardless of race. Your government won't let you see the entire truth. They are perpetuating stereotypes and fearmongering.

"Must be nice. I don't have time."

Few things piss me off faster than when a conversation takes place where someone says they'd love to freelance (it doesn't matter what area, but the last conversation was about writing) and when I get pulled into the conversation...the person says, "It must be nice. I just don't have time to do it."

You've got the same 24 hours per day as I do. You've got the same 24 hours that Bill Gates and other super rich people have. Most of them didn't start off rich. Don't give me the "I don't have time" bullshit. You have probably more time than I do.

There's no such thing as "I don't have time." There is such a thing as fucked up priorities. If you spend your time at work sitting on social media and bullshitting with your friends, then you have no business freelancing anyway...because you'll spend all your time on social media and not work (and then wonder why you got evicted and why you can't make any money).

Next I usually hear about how I don't understand because they have to go home and make dinner and take care of kids and the like. Oh, really? Please...tell me how I don't understand. I worked full time outside of the home and completed two college degrees while being married and taking care of two of my children.

Now I work from the home and my third son has multiple appointments every week because he is special needs. My husband works 12+ hours per day. I do the laundry, the dishes, and most of the other household chores. It isn't because he isn't supportive. He knows I work hard. He's watched me. However, I'd have to do these things if I were single so it doesn't matter if I do them now...and it gives me a nice break from work.

So, you DO have time to learn to be a successful freelancer. What you don't have is the determination and dedication it requires to do it. Don't tell me it must be nice to do what I do...but you don't want to give up your time to do it. You have to start from somewhere. You don't just wake up and suddenly you're a freelancer (okay so maybe some people do - but not most).

It starts with getting your ass off of social media in the evening (or morning) and using that time to set up your profiles and portfolio. You have time - you just don't WANT to do it. You don't want to make sacrifices.

If you're really serious, you'll know I'm right and you'll make adjustments. I started off doing it on the evenings and during the weekends. Now I can work primarily when and where I want. You don't automatically get that luxury. You must WORK for it.

"You're too expensive. Can I interest you in this shiny penny?"

I read a great article from Freelancers Union about what to do when a potential client doesn't like your fee. Red Adair summed it up perfectly. "If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur."

Sure, there are people that may work for a rate less than I do...and good for them if they can live off of it or wish to work insane hours that they hoped to avoid by working at home to begin with. So, here's my numbered list of thoughts on this matter. Please note that I don't expect anyone to agree. These aren't in order of importance either.

1. You love your family. I love mine. Just like you need shelter, food, and basic necessities - so do we. My children have school expenses. They play sports. The older two occasionally have an interest in someone of the opposite sex. My dog needs food...rather, I need money to buy the ingredients with which to make her food. It's actually cheaper and better for her than if I were buying elite dog kibble. Sorry, I'm not feeding my dog ash and filler (and you shouldn't feed it to your dog either). 
2. You have expenses. I have expenses. Let's face it (and I'll say this again soon), if writing were easy, you'd do it yourself. November is known as National Novel Writing Month. That is a month in which participants can aim to write 50,000 words...in 30 days. That's a little less than 2k words per day. Think about your topic and open your word processor. Now, try to write 2000 really good words from the top of your head. Go ahead. This post will be here when you're done. What's that? You're not a professional writer? Even those of us who are professional writers must take time to think and to plan. Why on earth would I accept $100 for 20,000 words? Furthermore, why would I limit myself to completing such a task within seven days? Saying no and working with other clients that would end up paying me more money (and I would have more variety) is far better.
3. Can you call your electric company and bargain? The answer to that is no. Maybe you can set up a payment arrangement, but you can't call and tell them that you think their fee is too high. You will not have electricity if you do not pay your bill. 
4. My fees are fair. Fees charged by writers vary due to cost of living, experience, and complexity. If we charged less, we end up not being able to pay our bills. 
5. Hiring a writer who is self employed means that you are (most of the time) hiring a writer who now is devoted to your cause. We aren't successful unless you are successful. You won't deal with mid-level managers. You aren't dealing with an entire agency or a content mill. You are dealing with a real person who can learn about your needs. 
6. If writing took no talent or brain power, you wouldn't have looked for a writer. If it were so simple, you would have done it yourself. The fact is that why anyone is capable of writing...that doesn't mean that talent to write exists. I am pretty good with computers, but that doesn't make me a web developer. 

So, please...have some respect for your freelancers and self employed contractors. We have the same expenses that you do...and many of us aren't desperate. 

Writers, if you find yourself in a desperate situation...don't accept slave wages. Contact me or look on the Internet to find free websites that list writing gigs. There's absolutely no reason why you can't make a decent living if you are willing to devote yourself. 

"Too pretty for jail" - Jeremy Meeks and why you are an idiot if you support him...

If you support "I'm not some king pin" Jeremy Meeks simply because of his looks ("too pretty for jail") then you are what is wrong with society. Please, for the love of humanity, do not procreate. You are a special kind of stupid.

I don't care if you are a member of the media or the member of the general public swooning over this guy...you are an insult to humanity. If you are a woman, you are a disgrace to the gender. Why? Well, let me try to explain it. I'll try to use little words since so many of you get distracted so easily by a pretty face.

Meeks has been called "too pretty for jail." If you agree and if you support him or his gofundme, then you are an idiot, a disgrace to women, and a human failure. Do you know how many victims and survivors of domestic violence weren't and aren't believed simply because the person that abused them "didn't look like that type of person" or my personal favorite "they're too nice for that." So, if you are judging this situation on his looks instead of his charges and evidence (and he is innocent until proven guilty), you should just stop talking. In fact, you should get the fuck off of the Internet. You are setting feminism back by 1,000 years.

You are now distracted. So, what's your local and national government doing while you're swooning over a pretty boy with some serious charges. You are also an idiot. You are why Kim Kardashian is famous...for absolutely nothing other than the fact she's a rich girl with a big ass. Now you're making a felon need an agent for no other reason other than you think he's attractive. Way to go, 'murica.

While you're swooning over him, imagine how you would feel if it would have been a woman. What if a very attractive woman had a felony charge and her mug shot went viral? Would you think she didn't do it or that she's too pretty for jail?

All the while throwing women (and men) in jail over sex crimes and pot...while you swoon over someone with a felony record for weapons. Yes, that seems like a great idea. Please don't wear purple in October and say you support those of us that lived through or that currently live in domestic violence. After all, you don't want someone who is this pretty (who also had a weapon in the trunk of his vehicle) doing any time. It might mess up his face. Seems a bit unbalanced that you don't want a violent felon behind bars, but someone who chooses sex work and also has no direct impact on your life you will condemn for their choice of employment.

So, if you don't think he belongs in jail because of his looks - you are an idiot. Never, ever judge someone by their looks. I hope none of you are ever in a situation where someone is violent with you and then you aren't believed because the other person just "doesn't look like the type to do that."