Monday, September 15, 2014

A good laugh

My mother in law and I had a good laugh at my expense the other day. It is well known that I am a homebody. That's my nice way of saying that I am super fucking boring. I really am. I always have been kinda boring. My brain is extremely interesting, but me? Boring. If there were a competition for extreme introverts, I would own that shit. I really would.

There was a time that my ex had me followed. I know this to be true because he had it done to his other ex at one point. I told my mother in law that must have been the world's most boring stake out with me.

That guy had to be falling asleep in his car thinking I was either a brilliant criminal mastermind or the world's most boring person. Seriously, even when I taught college my schedule was boring. I left in the morning and taught until noon. I went home. I took a nap. I changed clothes. I went to the store if I needed to do so. Sometimes I fed the ducks or watched the squirrels in the yard. Then, I went inside and made dinner. I ate and watched NetFlix or read. My idea of "going out" included an occasional trip to IHOP to eat and wonder who was staring at the loser girl eating alone.

Now? Not much has changed. Sure, I've remarried. When all the boys are home we might go out to eat or go see family for a little while. We might go to the park. We do family style outings.

Now I wake up in the morning about 5 am and take my husband to work so that I can keep the car. I work from home doing freelance writing. I let the dog in and out. At one, I take the little on to Kindergarten. I pick him up a couple of hours later. I pick up my husband. We come home. We eat dinner.

My weekends aren't much more exciting. My birthday was last Friday. I came home and went to sleep. Saturday? So much excitement. I watched the OU game on the couch and slept. I get most of my social interaction through instant messenger with clients. My husband is a professional musician as well. Sometimes I do attend his shows. Most of the time I am perfectly happy to just stay home.

I asked him how it feels to be married to the world's most boring person. He loves it. My mother in law loves that I am boring, too. Of course, they have nicer ways of telling me that I am boring. I guess it must be nice for a man to be married to a woman who doesn't want or need to go out a lot or on a lot of dates. I like it once in a while...but I am perfectly content to just stay home.

I'm sorry, Mr. Private Investigator, that I am so boring. I guess I'm not sorry. You were paid to nap. I think that's a dream job most people would love to have, wouldn't they?

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Play nice...the hand that feeds you can also choke you.