The Ultimate Secret of Success

So, why am I telling you about the ultimate secret of success? I could lie to you and say that it's because I'm just a really nice person. It wouldn't be a total lie. I do what I can for people. I could give you a partial truth and say it's because I want people to be as successful as possible. Well, actually that would be entirely true and not just partially true. I said partially for this post because that's not why I'm doing it... So, then why am I posting the ultimate secret of success? Well, it's because I'm tired of whiners and people being victims of life. 

Here is the ultimate secret of success:

If you don't like how your life is going right now...if all you can do is complain about how your life isn't fair or how bad things always happen to you...then get off your ass and change the way you think, the things that you do, and the people you run around with. Yes, it really is that simple and that difficult. 

Don't like that you can't buy the things that you need and want? Get off your ass and change something. Work toward obtaining the knowledge you need to have the career that you want. Hustle and build your business. Never say die. Never quit. It is said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again. You're doing it to yourself. Do something to change your situation. Someone else's success isn't a detriment to you. It should be a case study. Overnight success doesn't happen...someone may seem to appear famous overnight, but there was a lot about that person and their struggle that no one saw. 

Don't like your life? Change the way that you think. Suffering is a part of life. That's a Buddhist philosophy. More than that, it's the truth. We all have struggles. We all will face sickness and death. That's just the way the world works. So, if you feel like life is beating up on you, then you need to change the way that you think. You must come to terms that life is hard for everyone. The only person that can save you is you. The presence of a problem is also the indication that there is a solution. There is a solution for every problem...it's just that most people don't like the fact that the solution is usually them doing something different. The saying is that if you focus on your blessings or your problems that you will find an abundance. So, if you want to find an abundance of happiness, begin to focus on the good things in your life. Oh, and stop focusing and thinking about yourself so much. Go out and make a difference in the lives of others. 

Don't like being unsuccessful? Look at the people you're friends with. You should make it a habit to meet new people, meet people in the industry that you want to be in, meet other successful people, and not just talking to the people that have been trying to live like their life is a party for the last 20 years. If you're the smartest person in the room, then you need to find a different room.

So, yes. That's the secret to success. If you don't like depending on others, change something. Even if it is hard to do, change something. I didn't want to live in the ghetto as an adult. I decided that as a child when I had no choice other than to live there. So, I did the hard stuff...I studied. I didn't go out and party a lot. I didn't get to where I am by hanging around people with no vision, no goals, and no dreams. I got to where I am because I did what I needed to do...because I wanted a better life. 

If you want to be successful, that's what you have to do. You have to be willing to actually do something with your life. You have to be willing to not be like everyone else complaining about life isn't fair. You have to work for it. No excuses. None. Zero. Zip. 

Monday Motivational: You Can Be Different

On Mondays when a lot of corporate employees wake up, they wish that they wouldn't have to go in. Maybe they dream of another job. Maybe they dream of working from home. Maybe they just dream of being on the beach with a drink in hand.

It doesn't really matter what the dream is that they have. They all have the same theme. They want something different. If you want something different, can you continue to do the exact same thing over and over again? No. If you want something different then you must do things differently.

Being different and doing things in a different way is okay. Of course, there are plenty of people ready to ostracize you. So,  it does take a thick skin.

You're different. If you find that living life just like everyone else is akin to wearing clothes that are five sizes too small, then it's time to find ways to be different. That doesn't necessarily mean that you quit your job today. However, it does mean that you make a plan with actionable goals and begin to take steps to achieving your goals.

You can do it.

Monday Motivational: Having Dreams and Mundane Motivators

Well, today is Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. Of course, there are purists out there (and they have every right to it as long as they are indeed pure to the idea of equality of races). I believe that Dr. King would also be in the corner of those seeking more out of their individual lives. He would be incredibly appreciative and supportive of people of any race who look to get more out of life and to better care for their family in a way that best works.

So, what's your dream? If you're on this blog then my guess is that at least to some degree you want to be a freelance writer. However, this blog post isn't just written for those who want to make a living by peddling their words and thoughts. I'm talking to all the dreamers. I'm talking to those who want to go back to school. I'm talking to those who want to recover from past hurts. I'm talking to those who want to take on a new career (even if it isn't writing). Now, with your dream firmly in your head...let's discuss.

Turn the Dream into a Goal

My grandmother was an incredibly wise woman. My mother would tell you that I act just like my paternal grandmother. They didn't get along, but I consider it a compliment. My Grandma Rita was and still is my hero. She only had an eighth grade education. She survived the Great Depression. She was a single mom when her first husband left. She worked as a nurse's aid to support her children. I remember when I was little how she would do whatever it took to make sure my very odd childhood was as normal as it could be for its circumstances. That meant when I stayed with her I got chocolate milk and chocolate donuts for breakfast (both of which I hate - but dammit the woman tried so I ate them).

She bought me empty notebook after empty notebook. I drew. I wrote. I scribbled. I did it all while sitting at her feet as she crocheted or watched her soap operas. She would color with me. She would even grade my work (when I asked).

My grandma taught me one thing early in life. You turn your dreams into a goal by learning to be accountable. One way to do that is to assign your dream a date of completion. Now your dream is a goal.

Take Action Toward Your Goal

Look, if you're an adult with family responsibilities...I totally get how you feel overwhelmed and think you can't accomplish your dreams. I started college on a whim (yes, on a whim) when I was 28. Man, it doesn't seem that long ago. I stayed up many nights while working full time and caring for my family. It was hard, but I graduated in 3 years with a four year degree.

When I was building my writing business (which was another dream that turned into a goal because of a medical issue), I started it by doing things on the side while teaching college. When I started writing full time, I still hadn't built up my business to exactly where it needed to be to comfortably make the leap (but sometimes we do things because they must be done and we make the best of it).

Moral: there are things you can do right now to move toward your goal even if you are working and have other obligations. They don't have to be huge steps or actions...but to get to a goal - you do have to put one foot in front of the other.

Use the Mundane to Fuel You

I do most of the housework. Bull doesn't...but it's not because he's some jerk who thinks that because his wife works from home that she has time for the housework. If I need help or even if he thinks I need help, he helps. He knows that mundane activities serve a purpose for me. When I'm doing a load of laundry or a load of dishes he knows that I'm using that time to focus on my projects and set my priorities. I can't do that if I'm sitting in front of the computer. As much as I wanted to write this, I have my priorities nagging at the back of my mind telling me this is a waste because it's not part of the 20% of activities that make money. Yet - this is important.

I use my time to figure out three things that must get done every day. I choose three because it's a number that isn't overwhelming. I don't usually stop with three things, but if I have to then it gives me a sense of completion. Yes, it can be hard to choose those things. I finalize my list in the morning while doing my stuff.

Letting your mind wander and consider the steps it will take to finish your projects is key to success. It doesn't have to be dishes and laundry for you. Just find something you can do where you can think, but not wear yourself out doing it. Think in small steps. Ask yourself what is one small thing that you can do today that will bring you one more step closer to your goals.

Find something mundane to indulge in. I say that because for us creative types, it can be hard to focus on what's in front of us when we are on our laptops or computers. We might get overwhelmed when we think about everything that needs to be done and how we are actually doing something. Don't do that. Step away.

Now that this post is written, I'm going to go tackle my three daily priorities (or as we call them - my Irish bulls).

Monday Motivational Series: Turning Around a Bad Monday

It doesn't matter if you work for someone else or if you are self employed, none of us are immune to a bad day. It really doesn't even have to be a Monday. It's just that most of us feel the impending pressure and implosion of time and space...on Mondays.

Here's the good news - you can turn a bad Monday around. These tips work best for those who work from home (because if you have a boss, he or she won't be appreciative of some of them). These are some of the things I do to turn a bad Monday around.

Go back to sleep. When I get up and I can feel that a Monday (or any day) has the potential to be a huge pain in my ass, I go back to sleep. Even a little bit of extra sleep can really help. It reminds me that I am lucky enough (and by lucky I mean I worked my ass off to get to this point) to be able to control my own schedule. Of course, I can't always do this. Sometimes there are deadlines or appointments that must be attended. However, this is something that can help turn a bad Monday around. I can neither confirm nor deny that I sometimes sleep until noon if I am the only one home.

Take a hot bath in the middle of the day. This is great for boosting your mood and gives you something to look forward to. I've been known to label my days pre-bath and and post-bath instead of morning and "the rest of the day." Turn off your phone. Turn on your music. Use a nice soap. Invest in some great lotion. Take some time to relax. You'll end up more productive later.

Find the good in the day. Even when you freelance or work from home, you can and will have a bad day. Your kid doesn't want to eat the breakfast he asked for (my current situation). Clients suddenly decide that their project is somehow so time sensitive that if you don't complete it right this instant that the entire world will be in peril...and Star Lord is busy in another part of the galaxy so all of the pressure is on you. By the way, all of your clients will do that all at once. When your day feels like it is going to shit (and shit is subjective to each person), find the good in it. Sometimes, it's hard and you have to use generic things such as how you are living the dream working from home and providing for your family...and you're not stuck in a cubicle. Other times you can be more specific such as how awesome your clients know you are because they continue to rely on you project after project...and clearly your work will somehow save the world from some sort of certain death.

Take a walk. I walk five days per week. I won't tell you which five because I usually don't know until the days arrive. I might walk today, but most likely won't do it tomorrow because of weather. At first, I felt guilty about walking instead of working. However, I can use that time to decompress and I also use that time to brainstorm and think about current projects.

Eat ice cream any time you want. It doesn't have to be ice cream. Pick your favorite dessert. Eat it for a meal. That always turns a bad day around. It's something to look forward to doing.

Start with an easy project. I am a big proponent of tackling my hardest projects first. I don't like things hanging over my head. Yet, sometimes it takes a while to see any sort of results or feel like I am making any progress. On bad days, I start with the faster and easier things on my to-do list. It makes me feel like I've accomplished something. It helps keep my motivation up and it makes it easy to move forward because I am seeing progress.

Those are the things I do that help turn a bad day around. What are your tips?

Monday Motivational Series

I know that many people dread returning to their cubes or their traditional job on Monday morning. I know that many new freelancers or new small business owners may dread another long week of attempting to make some money or keep their clients happy. Many people dream of making that leap, but they're afraid they can't and will provide a thousand excuses about why it won't work. I've decided that every Monday I will post something motivational for you. I do a -lot- of reading. I received three great books in the mail over the weekend as a birthday gift from the woman I consider my spiritual mother. I also own a lot of books. I can tell you that when it comes to work or owning a business, motivation is key. If you don't stay motivated, it will slip away from you. Then you will go back to just going through the motions of life. That's really no way to live at all.

For our first Monday Motivational post, I'd like to talk a little bit about what motivation is and why it is important.

Motivation is your drive to keep going. It is your why. Why do you want to keep your job? Well, because you like to eat and have a roof over your head. Food is good. I like food. In a traditional environment, though, it is easily seen that most people are there to make a paycheck and not a difference. Once you're done with your probationary period, you feel the urge to just coast. Employers don't really like training new people...so they let people get by with more than they should. They lose motivation to stay productive.

So, when you work or when you own a business it's important to keep thinking about your why. It's okay if your why changes. My why changes quite a bit. Today my why is to continue to have the most flexible option to be present and available for my three children. Sure, the older two (16 and almost 14) don't need mama as much as they used to (except for Bank of Mom and wanting a ride). The tiny one is able to have a parent that can go to school functions, be part of the PTA, and he doesn't need to go to day care. On any bad day that I have, I remind myself...ultimately those three are my way. My husband is my why, too. Those who know me can attest that I am very much family oriented. I made a commitment when I became pregnant. I made a commitment when I married. I take my commitments as laws of my life. These four people are one of my whys. I want to be able to take care of my family. This allows me to have it all (including all of the issues, but we will talk about dealing with problems on another Monday).

Now, aside from my family...I have other whys. My health is another why. When you're born with a heart problem, it can get worse as you get older. I'm not that old (although my almost 14 year old would tell you I'm old --- I'm only 36). Carrying babies in my body and having a few severe bouts of illness has made the heart problem worse. Am I dying? Well, I guess we all are. I'm most likely not going to drop dead tomorrow. However, I do take three heart meds, aspirin, and a few herbal supplements. My biggest problem is fatigue. I get tired. I get two kinds of tired. We have our usual "working hard" tired...and then there's the "bad" tired. With the second tired, I might sleep for 36 hours straight. That's no good. A traditional job can't sustain my health needs. I can't stay home for two days because I'm too tired to function. Traditional jobs need employees to actually be there. It wouldn't be fair to either of us. Being self employed is good for my health. Although I keep a fairly regular schedule, working from home allows me to rest if I need to rest. If I sleep for 12 hours, it's fine.

Some days my why rests in one word: control. Being self employed gives me a lot of control. I don't have to accept just any project. If I don't like or believe in a project, I don't have to take it. I can pick and choose (and you can't really do that at first).

Find your motivation. Why do you want to break out of your job and become self employed? Why do you want to become a freelance writer? Think about these things. Make a dream board if it helps you. Fortunately, I have a great imagination. I can just stop and shut my eyes and see my children, husband, and the fun things we can go and do because of my flexibility. In fact, this Thursday I am taking the big kid to play paintball in the middle of the day.

Use your motivation when things get tough. Even anger and distaste can be a motivational tool. It can fuel you to success.

This week's experience....find your motivation. Let me know why you want to become a successful freelance writer. Make sure that you comment. I look forward to interacting with you!